I'm back .. but only for the moment. I'm not quite sure which blog I'm going to permanently keep because I've sort of "gotten close" to Blogger. But then again I don't think I will be able to keep updating both since this site is a bit overlooked and have somewhat become the underdog over Tumblr. Oh well, what can you do.
Nothing big has been happening. Atleast not on the surface.
I think everything that has been happening this Spring break takes place in my mind. Such a mothereffing introvert. I irritate myself sometimes.
I think I have a crush. And the "think" part is my way of saying "here-goes-nothing."
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
I have somewhat been looking more into Tumblr for the past few days, not because I like it more than Blogger, but because it undeniably tickles one's fancy whether you deny it or not. I like blogging, it makes me feel better. But as much as I love expressing myself, I like browsing through thought-provoking, artsy, and humorous photos. They are irresistible. So I suppose that this will turn into a diary blog, also known as the "serious and personal entries." And Tumblr will gradually become my collection of wants, music, and inspirations.
Friday, March 19, 2010
"Ridin' the escalator to the somethin' that is greater"
RIP Nujabes
When I say that I am a die-hard fan of Nujabes, I do mean it. In fact, most of my blog posts, and music, have a bit of Nujabes influence in them. "Aruarian Dance," "Feathers," and "Reflection Eternal" are my top main favorites aside from his obviously good talent in lyrics and beats.
When I say that I am a die-hard fan of Nujabes, I do mean it. In fact, most of my blog posts, and music, have a bit of Nujabes influence in them. "Aruarian Dance," "Feathers," and "Reflection Eternal" are my top main favorites aside from his obviously good talent in lyrics and beats.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Direction
If you are into blogging, loves reading, have time in your hands, and can spare a bit of time to think, then go ahead and read. If not then I bet you won't finsih reading this. Sorry, I didn't expect it to be this long.
So it seems like this week has been a complete drag. And maybe the next.. and the next. I am waiting for something shocking because I absolutely hate that plateau when your daily life either seems to repeat itself, or it gets even more boring than the previous one. I am down to meet new people, and perhaps develop friendship with a few. As much as one says that they are done with the fake ones, you never really know which ones are actually fake and which ones are actually real, or maybe even one who transitioned from one to the other. That's why I choose not to prove myself to anyone who does not have the ability to tell the difference between the two. Because sooner or later, I will be misunderstood. But is it true that to be great is to be misunderstood? In some cases I do think so. But that's for someone who is as introspective as I am.
When I say that nothing is really going on with my life at the time, I really do mean it in the most literal way possible. It might sound negative, but that's just me being blunt. It's the truth and there is no point in sugarcoating things. I am not in touch with the world as much as I'd like to be, mostly because my phone is off at the moment, and it has been for quite some time. God knows when I'll get that back. But if that's so, then so be it.
Another Navy Recruiter came to my 5th period class today. I'm not sure if I'm into all that stuff, but I've always been open-minded with a lot of things. I want to know where I'm heading in about a year or two. There is always the safe and secure way of mediocracy, but is that going to give me justice? I have so many options in my head and I am known to take risks (even though I am incredibly indecisive). The two seem to contradict each other, but that's how my mind works. I never know what to do and I never know which decision is best, but once I make it, I have no regrets.
Do you ever imagine where and how your life will be after high school? I see two different women in me. One is in the city, living life as a working student, with the drive and motivation because she is surrounded by adventurous people who is just as crazy as she is. And the other one, the woman who lives a more delicate and conservative way of life with a trustworthy friend, living life by the beach to take things slow, perhaps having a potential romantic partner who gives you the butterflies. Or maybe it's neither one of those. Maybe it's a life that is completely different from what I imagine. Nobody ever really knows.
I think time seems to be moving a bit too slow at the moment. Year 2011 seems so far away. Even Summer seems so far away. I planned to get a tattoo this Spring, but I don't think that's going to happen this year because the AP test just came up. Besides that, I have prom to worry about. I can only imagine how next year is going to be. When Zooey comes back from LA, I want to go shopping with her again. Out of town. Because it seems to me like I think more clearly when I see new faces and new sceneries. And isn't it true, that shopping makes a girl feel so much better? We talk about these things whenever we're out shopping. Seeing two women walking together in trench coats and heels and us saying, "That's us in about 5 years." The fresh smell of coffee in the morning, going outside for a morning walk down the boulevard, having a job and coming home for another night out under the bright street lights. Well maybe that's just me. That is one of the main reasons why I think about all the different directions in life, all at once.
So it seems like this week has been a complete drag. And maybe the next.. and the next. I am waiting for something shocking because I absolutely hate that plateau when your daily life either seems to repeat itself, or it gets even more boring than the previous one. I am down to meet new people, and perhaps develop friendship with a few. As much as one says that they are done with the fake ones, you never really know which ones are actually fake and which ones are actually real, or maybe even one who transitioned from one to the other. That's why I choose not to prove myself to anyone who does not have the ability to tell the difference between the two. Because sooner or later, I will be misunderstood. But is it true that to be great is to be misunderstood? In some cases I do think so. But that's for someone who is as introspective as I am.
When I say that nothing is really going on with my life at the time, I really do mean it in the most literal way possible. It might sound negative, but that's just me being blunt. It's the truth and there is no point in sugarcoating things. I am not in touch with the world as much as I'd like to be, mostly because my phone is off at the moment, and it has been for quite some time. God knows when I'll get that back. But if that's so, then so be it.
Another Navy Recruiter came to my 5th period class today. I'm not sure if I'm into all that stuff, but I've always been open-minded with a lot of things. I want to know where I'm heading in about a year or two. There is always the safe and secure way of mediocracy, but is that going to give me justice? I have so many options in my head and I am known to take risks (even though I am incredibly indecisive). The two seem to contradict each other, but that's how my mind works. I never know what to do and I never know which decision is best, but once I make it, I have no regrets.
Do you ever imagine where and how your life will be after high school? I see two different women in me. One is in the city, living life as a working student, with the drive and motivation because she is surrounded by adventurous people who is just as crazy as she is. And the other one, the woman who lives a more delicate and conservative way of life with a trustworthy friend, living life by the beach to take things slow, perhaps having a potential romantic partner who gives you the butterflies. Or maybe it's neither one of those. Maybe it's a life that is completely different from what I imagine. Nobody ever really knows.
I think time seems to be moving a bit too slow at the moment. Year 2011 seems so far away. Even Summer seems so far away. I planned to get a tattoo this Spring, but I don't think that's going to happen this year because the AP test just came up. Besides that, I have prom to worry about. I can only imagine how next year is going to be. When Zooey comes back from LA, I want to go shopping with her again. Out of town. Because it seems to me like I think more clearly when I see new faces and new sceneries. And isn't it true, that shopping makes a girl feel so much better? We talk about these things whenever we're out shopping. Seeing two women walking together in trench coats and heels and us saying, "That's us in about 5 years." The fresh smell of coffee in the morning, going outside for a morning walk down the boulevard, having a job and coming home for another night out under the bright street lights. Well maybe that's just me. That is one of the main reasons why I think about all the different directions in life, all at once.
Soaring. Is this allowed?
I've mentioned this before: that Kid Cudi seems to fully satisfy the potheads who have good taste in music and sense of distinction with hip hop songs. He is, in fact, considered to be the most emotional rapper of the new millenium that if it wasn't for his notable "futuristic swag," no one would have thought he writes lyrics that usually involve a sort of eerie state of mind. But that's not a bad thing, if we're talking in sense of his skill as a lyricist and a recording artist. He speaks the truth. Everybody can relate once you strip down the idea of just "getting high." Because frankly, there are times when you just have to step outside and just not give a fuck.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Hysteric
Update on a few things.
Its really vague, the way things are going right now. I missed a whole day of school on Monday, and missed 1st and 2nd on Tuesday. For the first time in a long time, I actually didn't feel all that bad (although there was a hint of self disappointment). Rainy days make me lazy as hell.
I have two things I'm worried about: grades and prom. Holy MotherFather.
Its really vague, the way things are going right now. I missed a whole day of school on Monday, and missed 1st and 2nd on Tuesday. For the first time in a long time, I actually didn't feel all that bad (although there was a hint of self disappointment). Rainy days make me lazy as hell.
I have two things I'm worried about: grades and prom. Holy MotherFather.
Laggin'
I like the skeleton top. I've always been interested in clothing that has a picture of a wolf, boombox, or skeletons. They just automatically catch my eye.
I have got to come back for this one specifiic leather jacket that I almost didn't let go of at the mall. I think I'm going to shop very soon.
I find this guy really attractive.
Those heels! I've just always been into solid color heels, plus the fact that red is one of my favorite colors.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The gang
These are not all of the photos that were taken that night (nor do the pictures present all of the people I'm talking about), but they pretty much summarizes it all. I seriously missed them. Ashylyn, Jaytee, Arthur, John, and all the other friends whom I just met that night. Some downass guys. It felt like a reunion.
Monday, February 15, 2010
"Because it's worth it.."
So Valentines Day finally came. I would have to say that this has got to be the most interesting Valentines Day I have ever experienced. It wasn't the cutesy, over the top type of day (as most remember back in my freshmen year), but this one definitely involved more critical thinking. I don't think a mere stranger would get what I'm saying right now, but I'll just keep it at that.
We were pretty much all over the place, and probably spent the most time getting lost on the freeway, trying to figure out which exit to take. So then it turned out to be more of a race than actually trying to get to the place. We were all the way out in Vacaville until about 9 in the evening, then finally headed back to Benicia. I spent some quality time with my date and I was satisfied. I loved that night regardless of how complicated things seem to be going. Thanks date.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Help, I'm Alive
I've been putting this song on repeat lately. Her voice is quite amazing, and it sort of captures my thoughts late at night. I know that sounds a bit emotional, but maybe because it's February. Oh valentines, How.. cute.
Monday, February 8, 2010
How did you get one of your scars?
I was in motorcycle training in Hercules for a few months, then I tried a dirt bike on a paved road (residential area), which was a stupid move, so I lost control with my speed and my leg touched the spinning wheel right before I jumped off. Crazy moment of my life.
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
It was simple on my last birthday. We just had a family party and a swimming party at my cousin's house. I liked it though.
How are you feeling at this moment?
Actually I'm not all that well, but I can't complain. So it's whatever cause I can manage.
How did your night go last night?
I was chillin with Krystal. I liked it
How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Bought it at Forever21
How often do you see your best friend(s)?
Like everyday, except my main boy bestfriend =/
How much money did you spend last month?
I don't keep track. haha
How old do you want to be when you get married?
Idk? About 28
How old will you be at your next birthday?
100
Your mothers name?
Lucille
What did you do last weekend?
Winter ball, party at the telly, friend's house and chilled with a couple of friends
What would you rather be doing?
Having an endless night in Los Angeles with Zooey
What did you last cry over?
Too much shit in the membrane
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Music and sweet people.
What are you worried about?
Don't go there
What did you have for breakfast?
Your head
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Hmm maybe attraction, but nah I don't waste my time on that
Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Say wha
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yes
Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
You can't give your full trust to anyone.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
No
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Haha yes
Who was the last person you saw?
Your mom
Who was the last person you texted?
Bestfriend
Who was the last person you hungout with?
Krystal
Who was the last person to call you?
Probably Teejay, haha i forgot
Who is the last person who texted you?
Don't feel like checking
Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
I don't say that often. Actually I hardly ever say it
Where does your best friend(s) live?
Under your bed
Where did you last go?
Chevy's. We were hella loud in there though
Where is your favorite place to be?
As long as im surrounded with chill and fun people then im good. But in general, I always find myself chillin in James' room. haha it's blue and i just feel hella comfortable in there
Where did you sleep last night?
On the roof
Do you like someone right now?
Yeah
Do you know the muffin man?
He's right next to me
Does the future scare you?
Not exactly. But im constantly drifting and shifting perspective to try to see the things I plan to do or imagine myself being in a certain lifestyle. I wonder if i can manage
Why are you best friends with your best friend?
Because he's the type to tell me straight up what needs to be fixed. Sugarcoated things are the last on his mind, and well.. we're always trying our best to help each other despite our "married-couple-fights" that can last til 6 in the morning
If you could have one super power what would it be?
Teleportation
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
Of course I do think about changing things, but I'm the type to not regret anything regardless of the outcome. There's always going to be consequences no matter which way you take
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
No
Are you happy with your life right now?
Well there's definitely a lot of things im stressed out about at the moment, but then again I'm fine. I can't complain. Valentines Day is coming up though, hmm..
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
It was simple on my last birthday. We just had a family party and a swimming party at my cousin's house. I liked it though.
How are you feeling at this moment?
Actually I'm not all that well, but I can't complain. So it's whatever cause I can manage.
How did your night go last night?
I was chillin with Krystal. I liked it
How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Bought it at Forever21
How often do you see your best friend(s)?
Like everyday, except my main boy bestfriend =/
How much money did you spend last month?
I don't keep track. haha
How old do you want to be when you get married?
Idk? About 28
How old will you be at your next birthday?
100
Your mothers name?
Lucille
What did you do last weekend?
Winter ball, party at the telly, friend's house and chilled with a couple of friends
What would you rather be doing?
Having an endless night in Los Angeles with Zooey
What did you last cry over?
Too much shit in the membrane
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Music and sweet people.
What are you worried about?
Don't go there
What did you have for breakfast?
Your head
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Hmm maybe attraction, but nah I don't waste my time on that
Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Say wha
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yes
Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
You can't give your full trust to anyone.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
No
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Haha yes
Who was the last person you saw?
Your mom
Who was the last person you texted?
Bestfriend
Who was the last person you hungout with?
Krystal
Who was the last person to call you?
Probably Teejay, haha i forgot
Who is the last person who texted you?
Don't feel like checking
Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
I don't say that often. Actually I hardly ever say it
Where does your best friend(s) live?
Under your bed
Where did you last go?
Chevy's. We were hella loud in there though
Where is your favorite place to be?
As long as im surrounded with chill and fun people then im good. But in general, I always find myself chillin in James' room. haha it's blue and i just feel hella comfortable in there
Where did you sleep last night?
On the roof
Do you like someone right now?
Yeah
Do you know the muffin man?
He's right next to me
Does the future scare you?
Not exactly. But im constantly drifting and shifting perspective to try to see the things I plan to do or imagine myself being in a certain lifestyle. I wonder if i can manage
Why are you best friends with your best friend?
Because he's the type to tell me straight up what needs to be fixed. Sugarcoated things are the last on his mind, and well.. we're always trying our best to help each other despite our "married-couple-fights" that can last til 6 in the morning
If you could have one super power what would it be?
Teleportation
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
Of course I do think about changing things, but I'm the type to not regret anything regardless of the outcome. There's always going to be consequences no matter which way you take
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
No
Are you happy with your life right now?
Well there's definitely a lot of things im stressed out about at the moment, but then again I'm fine. I can't complain. Valentines Day is coming up though, hmm..
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Dear January,
I always find myself just sitting here not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, yet knowing I'm better off doing so. I think my mindset has somewhat been reversed even though I have attempted to ease off on procastinating. This is not new, I'm sure a lot more people are doing the same as I am. Better yet the statement has been coined over and over again: "I know I'm not supposed to fuck up on homework. But then again how do you NOT fuck up." And also because Soulmate has slightly influenced me that grades aren't really based on how smart you are, but on how well you can handle the class.
There are two major events coming up, as of now. They're really supposed to be a fun breakthrough type of thing, but I didn't think it would be such a hassle. Or maybe I'm just over thinking things like I always do. It's weird in a way because most of the time it really seems like I have two different minds. I've gotten better and better at analyzing situations through different perspectives. I think people really need to consider it because that way, they would also be prepared if the same thing happened to them. I mean if you are too immature to approach the problem, then shit just gets in a never-ending cycle.
Soulmate makes me mad sometimes. No.. MOST of the time. But not exactly in a fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth kind of mad, it's just that he's my bestfriend who knows exactly how to irritate the shit out of me.
I highly dislike rainy days. I'm not hating on the winter season, but really though, I think Summer brings out the best in me. Cloudy and windy days usually just make me come off as a bitch, accidentally ignoring everyone, or not continuing conversation. If you really know me though, I am the farthest thing from a mean stuck up bitch. If anything, I secretly admire a lot of girls out there. And I really do mean it in the most genuine way possible. (But not in a homosexual kind of way, of course.)
However, I think I've come to realize that I am capable of being a straight up asshole. I mean, everybody has that, right? Sometimes I can be too blunt, which makes me sound cocky. Or sometimes being a little too provocative that I may seem a bit infamously conceited. I mean, real talk, I know how girls get a bad reputation. Because of too many bad assumptions, misinterpretations, and misunderstanding. I can't really blame them if I do come off that way. Cause what can you do? They will think what they will think and that is that.
I think this is a bit too long, but I'm making up for all the days I missed. Once I'm out of Bethel, I will go through this blog and see how much I've changed and the things I've gone through. Oh but one thing though -- fuck Bethel at the moment; shit gets old.
I really want to buy those crewnecks that Soulmate has been telling me about. I need to have another quality shopping, plus the heels I need for the next upcoming events. I don't even feel excited though.
The sun came out today. It looked as though it was actually Spring.. I miss it!
Valentines Day is coming soon (and so is that cute movie), but we'll get there when we get there. THIS is when the single ones think, "Oh shit, here they go again" to every couple they see that day. Fml hahah.
Physics is doin to much right now. I'm trippin balls over those damn quizzes.
My hair needs to stop stalling on me.
I miss kickin it with the OLR homies. I think I need to plan something out for us soon since I haven't been able to make it to the youth programs every friday. Those were fun! Ugh Im slackin. And so does my BFF Will who's been in Richmond and never showed up ever again. That is why I call you Long Lost now, you little slacker!
SOULMATE BRING YOUR DAMN PIERCING GUN NEXT TIME YOU COME DOWN HERE AGAIN. (Why don't you contribute to my tat savings as well. HAHA)
Li and James are coming in the room now and there's about to be a ruckus in here. Peace out cuties
There are two major events coming up, as of now. They're really supposed to be a fun breakthrough type of thing, but I didn't think it would be such a hassle. Or maybe I'm just over thinking things like I always do. It's weird in a way because most of the time it really seems like I have two different minds. I've gotten better and better at analyzing situations through different perspectives. I think people really need to consider it because that way, they would also be prepared if the same thing happened to them. I mean if you are too immature to approach the problem, then shit just gets in a never-ending cycle.
Soulmate makes me mad sometimes. No.. MOST of the time. But not exactly in a fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth kind of mad, it's just that he's my bestfriend who knows exactly how to irritate the shit out of me.
I highly dislike rainy days. I'm not hating on the winter season, but really though, I think Summer brings out the best in me. Cloudy and windy days usually just make me come off as a bitch, accidentally ignoring everyone, or not continuing conversation. If you really know me though, I am the farthest thing from a mean stuck up bitch. If anything, I secretly admire a lot of girls out there. And I really do mean it in the most genuine way possible. (But not in a homosexual kind of way, of course.)
However, I think I've come to realize that I am capable of being a straight up asshole. I mean, everybody has that, right? Sometimes I can be too blunt, which makes me sound cocky. Or sometimes being a little too provocative that I may seem a bit infamously conceited. I mean, real talk, I know how girls get a bad reputation. Because of too many bad assumptions, misinterpretations, and misunderstanding. I can't really blame them if I do come off that way. Cause what can you do? They will think what they will think and that is that.
I think this is a bit too long, but I'm making up for all the days I missed. Once I'm out of Bethel, I will go through this blog and see how much I've changed and the things I've gone through. Oh but one thing though -- fuck Bethel at the moment; shit gets old.
I really want to buy those crewnecks that Soulmate has been telling me about. I need to have another quality shopping, plus the heels I need for the next upcoming events. I don't even feel excited though.
The sun came out today. It looked as though it was actually Spring.. I miss it!
Valentines Day is coming soon (and so is that cute movie), but we'll get there when we get there. THIS is when the single ones think, "Oh shit, here they go again" to every couple they see that day. Fml hahah.
Physics is doin to much right now. I'm trippin balls over those damn quizzes.
My hair needs to stop stalling on me.
I miss kickin it with the OLR homies. I think I need to plan something out for us soon since I haven't been able to make it to the youth programs every friday. Those were fun! Ugh Im slackin. And so does my BFF Will who's been in Richmond and never showed up ever again. That is why I call you Long Lost now, you little slacker!
SOULMATE BRING YOUR DAMN PIERCING GUN NEXT TIME YOU COME DOWN HERE AGAIN. (Why don't you contribute to my tat savings as well. HAHA)
Li and James are coming in the room now and there's about to be a ruckus in here. Peace out cuties
Thursday, January 21, 2010
French navy, my sailor mate
I just realized, so much has happened during the past few weeks. I can't believe so many things reached the point where they are now. I haven't really been online that much, plus I've been worried about a lot of things. This is one of the reasons why I highly dislike this weather. It's timid.
I'm content for the most part. I think I just need better planning so that I don't stress myself out. Events are coming up too so I guess that's what's keeping me from just sulking all day with this gloomy atmosphere. I'm not even trying to sound emo though. And as for Zooey (haha you know who you are), YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. We need our L&A day again soon!
I'm content for the most part. I think I just need better planning so that I don't stress myself out. Events are coming up too so I guess that's what's keeping me from just sulking all day with this gloomy atmosphere. I'm not even trying to sound emo though. And as for Zooey (haha you know who you are), YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. We need our L&A day again soon!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
School?
It's always that time just a few days before school starts again. It's always a downer, even though a part of me is looking forward to seeing everyone else.
It feels like there's really nothing there to look forward to because once things go back into motion, you'll just feel another circulation of nag nag and nag.
Hmm.. it's probably just because of the negativity around. But who knows what's in store for all of us?
This semester I NEED to buckle down. I'm probably not even going to have much time anymore, and definitely less time to communicate outside of school on a weekday since I really can't afford to slack. Typing this already makes me disappointed for some reason.. but I know it's for a couple of good reasons.
It feels like there's really nothing there to look forward to because once things go back into motion, you'll just feel another circulation of nag nag and nag.
Hmm.. it's probably just because of the negativity around. But who knows what's in store for all of us?
This semester I NEED to buckle down. I'm probably not even going to have much time anymore, and definitely less time to communicate outside of school on a weekday since I really can't afford to slack. Typing this already makes me disappointed for some reason.. but I know it's for a couple of good reasons.
Friday, January 1, 2010
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