Dear January,

I always find myself just sitting here not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, yet knowing I'm better off doing so. I think my mindset has somewhat been reversed even though I have attempted to ease off on procastinating. This is not new, I'm sure a lot more people are doing the same as I am. Better yet the statement has been coined over and over again: "I know I'm not supposed to fuck up on homework. But then again how do you NOT fuck up." And also because Soulmate has slightly influenced me that grades aren't really based on how smart you are, but on how well you can handle the class.

There are two major events coming up, as of now. They're really supposed to be a fun breakthrough type of thing, but I didn't think it would be such a hassle. Or maybe I'm just over thinking things like I always do. It's weird in a way because most of the time it really seems like I have two different minds. I've gotten better and better at analyzing situations through different perspectives. I think people really need to consider it because that way, they would also be prepared if the same thing happened to them. I mean if you are too immature to approach the problem, then shit just gets in a never-ending cycle.

Soulmate makes me mad sometimes. No.. MOST of the time. But not exactly in a fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth kind of mad, it's just that he's my bestfriend who knows exactly how to irritate the shit out of me.

I highly dislike rainy days. I'm not hating on the winter season, but really though, I think Summer brings out the best in me. Cloudy and windy days usually just make me come off as a bitch, accidentally ignoring everyone, or not continuing conversation. If you really know me though, I am the farthest thing from a mean stuck up bitch. If anything, I secretly admire a lot of girls out there. And I really do mean it in the most genuine way possible. (But not in a homosexual kind of way, of course.)

However, I think I've come to realize that I am capable of being a straight up asshole. I mean, everybody has that, right? Sometimes I can be too blunt, which makes me sound cocky. Or sometimes being a little too provocative that I may seem a bit infamously conceited. I mean, real talk, I know how girls get a bad reputation. Because of too many bad assumptions, misinterpretations, and misunderstanding. I can't really blame them if I do come off that way. Cause what can you do? They will think what they will think and that is that.

I think this is a bit too long, but I'm making up for all the days I missed. Once I'm out of Bethel, I will go through this blog and see how much I've changed and the things I've gone through. Oh but one thing though -- fuck Bethel at the moment; shit gets old.



I really want to buy those crewnecks that Soulmate has been telling me about. I need to have another quality shopping, plus the heels I need for the next upcoming events. I don't even feel excited though.

The sun came out today. It looked as though it was actually Spring.. I miss it!

Valentines Day is coming soon (and so is that cute movie), but we'll get there when we get there. THIS is when the single ones think, "Oh shit, here they go again" to every couple they see that day. Fml hahah.

Physics is doin to much right now. I'm trippin balls over those damn quizzes.

My hair needs to stop stalling on me.

I miss kickin it with the OLR homies. I think I need to plan something out for us soon since I haven't been able to make it to the youth programs every friday. Those were fun! Ugh Im slackin. And so does my BFF Will who's been in Richmond and never showed up ever again. That is why I call you Long Lost now, you little slacker!

SOULMATE BRING YOUR DAMN PIERCING GUN NEXT TIME YOU COME DOWN HERE AGAIN. (Why don't you contribute to my tat savings as well. HAHA)

Li and James are coming in the room now and there's about to be a ruckus in here. Peace out cuties

French navy, my sailor mate

I just realized, so much has happened during the past few weeks. I can't believe so many things reached the point where they are now. I haven't really been online that much, plus I've been worried about a lot of things. This is one of the reasons why I highly dislike this weather. It's timid.

I'm content for the most part. I think I just need better planning so that I don't stress myself out. Events are coming up too so I guess that's what's keeping me from just sulking all day with this gloomy atmosphere. I'm not even trying to sound emo though. And as for Zooey (haha you know who you are), YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. We need our L&A day again soon!

I can't make you love me if you don't.

Rockin electronic

Memories

School?

It's always that time just a few days before school starts again. It's always a downer, even though a part of me is looking forward to seeing everyone else.
It feels like there's really nothing there to look forward to because once things go back into motion, you'll just feel another circulation of nag nag and nag.
Hmm.. it's probably just because of the negativity around. But who knows what's in store for all of us?

This semester I NEED to buckle down. I'm probably not even going to have much time anymore, and definitely less time to communicate outside of school on a weekday since I really can't afford to slack. Typing this already makes me disappointed for some reason.. but I know it's for a couple of good reasons.

No resolutions at the moment. Just a new start.